There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
