my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
