I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
