You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
