My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
