there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
