Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
