Can i not drive my cunt home
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
