Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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