apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
