only you would photoshop your dick
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
