He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Are we still banned from the library?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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