I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
