I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
