Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
