I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
