shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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