i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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