I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
