I cockslap morals
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
