i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
