I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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