Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
