Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
