im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
