wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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