If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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