Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
