I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
