If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
