went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
