I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
