do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My bed smells like the plague
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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