We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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