took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
