You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
