she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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