hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
