he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
