there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
