i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
