The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
