when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
