My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
