my being single is dangerous.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
