thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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