New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
