All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
