Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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