I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and she was petting her beer can
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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