I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
